I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
