Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I faked an abortion last night.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize