I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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