Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
