Im at strip club and am horny
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
