I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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