defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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