I must be too annoying 4 u.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
a search helicopter?!
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
