i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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