1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
