so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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