How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
