Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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