my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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