My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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