is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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