Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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