Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
