I look better un-naked...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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