I swear god or herbie drove my car home
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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