batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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