This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
