Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
