Im at strip club and am horny
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
