is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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