Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
