I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Alive.
So much puke
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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