K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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