Don't make out with my wife yet
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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