no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
