do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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