i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
