So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
sarcasm needs its own font
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Every concussion has its silver lining
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
