If i come over, it means nothing
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
