I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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