Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
