so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
