It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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