I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
