i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
