So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
