someone owes me an orgasm
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
