it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
