So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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