I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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