I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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