Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
