all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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