Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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