he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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