We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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