Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
