and you said cock pushups were impossible
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
