She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
