Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
