He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
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