I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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