this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
