Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
how drunk are you?
Several
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
