Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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