the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
