Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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