Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
North Korea, Best Korea!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
