I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You need Xanax blowdarts
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
