Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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