he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize