why do cheetos always look like penises
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
