i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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